This isn’t fashion. It’s a diagnosis.

We make shirts (and hoodies, and more) for the gloriously odd, the awkwardly bold, and the beautifully off-center. If you’ve ever been told you’re “too much,” “not normal,” or “kind of a lot”-you’re home now.

Expect Latin mottos, fake departments, emotional damage, cryptic embroidery, and designs that might get you side-eyed at Target.

All creations are overseen by the very real Dr. Phake -unlicensed in all 50 states and Canada.

We’re not here to blend in. We’re here to get weird.

Dr. Phake, Director of Diagnostic Embroidery

Trained at a variety of ahem institutions (some underground, one possibly underwater), Dr. Phake brings his unique brand of unlicensed care to weirdos worldwide.

A pioneer in the soothing, healing arts of garment-based therapy, Dr. Phake has dedicated his career to diagnosing vibes, prescribing hoodies, and stitching emotional support into every seam. His specialties include latent chaos, ADHD-adjacent fashion disorders, and chronic hoodie dependency.

Known for his keen eye, steady hand, and definitely moderate consumption of coffee, alcohol, and suspicious tinctures, Dr. Phake is here to assure you:
You are not alone. You’re just a limited edition.

He does NOT smoke too much. Or drink too much. Or sleep in his lab coat. Often.

🩺 Meet the Whynot Twins

Annalee Whynot, fNP (Fake Nurse Practitioner)
Rectalee Whynot, fRN (Fake Registered Nurse)

Annalee Whynot floats through the halls of Dr. Phake’s office like a puff of pink glitter. She’s all smiles, affirmations, and suspiciously herbal aromas. As a proud fNP (fake Nurse Practitioner), she’s been known to diagnose "aura imbalances" and prescribe warm hugs and crystals. Her pink uniform includes a feather boa accent on her nurse’s cap, and she signs all paperwork with a pink glitter gel pen and a heart. Nobody knows what school she went to, or if she actually went. But she means well. We think.

Rectalee Whynot, by contrast, is about as warm as a hypothermic enema-and she administers those regularly. A proud fRN (fake Registered Nurse), Rectalee wears regulation beige-green scrubs and compression socks that mean business. She once gave a patient two stitches just because she felt they lacked structure. She doesn’t smile. She doesn’t blink. She may or may not have a minor mustache. And she definitely doesn’t have time for your nonsense.

Together, they are the inexplicable staffing choice of Dr. Phake's practice-two halves of a very confusing whole.